Sorry y’all, it’s been a hot minute since i posted my first post due to dealing with health issues, but im ready for my second post, describing what my first and most anxiety attacks look like.

I think the first time I truly knew that I was having a panic attack was in high school. I never really thought anxiety or depression i til that time. I was either in 8th grade or my freshman year of high school. I was nervous about starting high school regardless of what grade I was in. I just remember being in a school bathroom with my group of friends that I’d known since 6th(most of the group anyways) talking about how excited we were to go to high school, but i wasn’t excited. I kept agreeing with them and putting a smile on my face and keeping myself in one piece. Then it got down to just me and one other friend, and i just recall looking at myself in the mirror, pale, sweating, trying to control my breathing, and keeping up my facade with this friend, who called me out instantly and said, it’s okay to feel how you feel. Let it out. And i exploded. Hyperventilating, blurry vision, whole body shaking, tears streaming down my face, with absolutely no idea what was happening to me.

I got it out, my friend helped me slow my breathing, and got me under enough control for me to go to class and finish out the rest of the day. I do believe i was in 8th grade, only because i remember being scared of being the “underdog” again. In 8th grade, you’re the top of the grades. I was bullied a lot in fifth grade after transferring to a new school and that was pretty traumatic and i think that same feeling came out that day.

My friend reminded me, we might be the babies when we start high school, but we are all starting together, our whole group of friends. We were all going to the same school and we will all be there walking this path together. That helped.

But that wasn’t the end of my panic attacks or even the beginning of realizing that i suffered from depression as well. That was just the first time i realized what was actually happening. I know a lot of us struggle with anxiety and depression and that’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that or with you if you do struggle, but we also have to stick together and be advocates for each other.

That’s all I’ve got today, hope you guys have a wonderful and blessed weekend and if you live anywhere where it’s supposed to be snowmaggeddon(i probs spelled that wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️) please be safe!

💜💜💜